


For What Is And What Is Not

by SombraLuna



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Epilogue, Existentialism, I will beat dirk transphobic strider up myself if i have to, Other, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Pre-Epilogue, Robots, Spoilers, Timeline What Timeline, i wrote this instead of working on my other fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:23:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SombraLuna/pseuds/SombraLuna
Summary: Perhaps what are canon and post-canon have left Dirk Strider questioning his own existence? Wait, why is this hypothetical?





	For What Is And What Is Not

**Author's Note:**

> These are real Angsty Song Hours huh

For all that which is and which is not, you have always been encapsulated by both and neither at the same time. You have always been in that of dubious existence and canonicity. As you sit alone in your workshop, cradling the automaton form of a man you saw on television once, you contemplate ending it for all this time and letting another version of you become your ultimate self. Ultimately, you do not wish to be and not be on a cosmic level, and omniscience isn't what your life goals had been. Your therapist-slash-brother-slash-son Dave Strider would most likely have a convoluted yet personal view of your consciousness, and be able to tell you what to do, but now is not the time. Insomnia Dirk has designed and built a body for him, should he ascend. 

For someone who is not quite his ultimate self, yet nearing such, you're doing pretty well. Your mind, however, is expanding closer and closer to omniscience and all of the other Dirk Striders are having a pissing contest in your mind. You could join them in tormenting another Dirk, but you're so _sick_ of yourself at this point that to become yourself with yourself is almost existentially exhausting to the highest degree. Hal's in there, somewhere, probably. Alpha Dirk is being reasonably quiet, for now. But you know him. You are him. He wants to speak up, to tell everyone to shut the hell up and be "cool" because his self-loathing and facades are that of a mind player. He's got a plan, too. You really don't want to become him. Fucking Broderick. Who names their goddamn kid Broderick? 

Your fingers idly trace the scars around your neck from all the times you've decapitated yourself and the universe decided to resurrect you back unto this hellish existence. Dave decapitated you once, too, due to your incessant crying over the man who is named Jake English. Alpha Dirk would never let himself get decapitated. He'd be the one to beat the ever-loving shit out of you with a hand of pure disgust and call you pathetic. Hal would beat the shit out of you and then fistbump you. 

You take off your shades and sigh, leaning your head against the wall of your workshop. Maybe omniscience would suit you. It's not like you're under any strain, anyways, right? 

 

**\--crustaceanAnemic [CA] began trolling turingTested [TT] at 2:30 AM--**

**CA: DiRk.**

**CA: HeaRt playeR to heaRt playeR.**

**TT: What in the everloving fuck could you possibly want, Eriana.**

**CA: Don't do it.**

**CA: Don't fuckin listen to them.**

**TT: Whom could you possibly mean?**

**CA: The splinteRs, shithead. I thought I made myself peRfectly cleaR, but okay. It's not wwoRth it.**

**TT: I don't have any splinters. Anymore, at least. Listen, can't you just like... Go away?**

**CA: God I wwish.**

**CA: Anywways, it's a wwaRning. You knoww, one of those things people givve you wwhen they'Re tRying to help?**

**TT: Fuck off.**

**\--crustaceanAnemic [CA] ceased trolling turingTested [TT] at 3 AM--**

 

You breathe out the air you didn't know you were holding in, and try and force away from the incoming panic attack. You haven't heard a goddamn Pesterchum notification since... Jake. It's how he'd always talk to you. You don't even know how Eriana got your ChumHandle, let alone why you felt a crushing temptation to respond to her.

 

DIRK: One of me has met someone like her before, and I want answers. 

DIRK: Oh my god she's not Eridan

DIRK: She's human, for one thing. Secondly, she just really likes axolotls. 

 

Your phone rings, jolting you out of your admittedly insane conversation with yourself. It's Dave. 

DIRK: Hello. 

DAVE: guess what

DIRK: No.

DAVE: guess 

DIRK: You finally stopped pining over Karkat and gave him the least platonic of kisses humanly imaginable? 

DIRK: Or, perhaps, did you get stopped by yet another fangirl with an agenda on the street today and decide to fade into celebrity obscurity like me? Should I prepare the guard bots to ward off any and all contact?

DAVE: roxys funnier than you

DAVE: but for realsies

DIRK: I'm gonna stop you right there. Did you just say "realsies?" 

DAVE: sure did buckaroo

DAVE: now on to my news

DAVE: janes a facist and apparently xenophobic which is wild because ol sea hitler was her mum or some shit

DAVE: she literally walked into my hive and laid down on the couch dramatically and said some bs about trolls reproducing

DIRK: To which you responded with a monologue about the economy and equal rights, I presume?

DAVE: to which i responded with a bitchin monologue about the economy and equal rights. 

DIRK: Hold on, let me go release my stomach's contents into the toilet, as I try to process the word "buckaroo." 

DIRK: That will plague my sleeping and waking moments for aeons as I remember it in the most impromptu of times, disassociating my own consciousness from my fleshy form until all that remains of my existence upon this earth is a decaying pile of matter. I will wake in a cold sweat, remembering your cursed words that hath plagued mine ears. 

DAVE: fuck it up shakespeare

DIRK: To quote Roxy in response to your news about Jane, though, "we been knew." 

DIRK: Her almost comical political phobia of all that differs from her stems from the bigotry of being a higher class her whole life. I still firmly support her, though. 

DAVE: great so youve got 3 minutes left to live before i unleash to biggest can of asswhoopin anyone has ever seen on this mortal coil upon your ass

DAVE: your ass will be so thoroughly whooped it will develop a fleeting consciousness in order to proclaim just how thoroughly whooped it has now become

DAVE: they call me the ass whoop master

DIRK: I'm going to stop you right there. 

DAVE: nah-

You hang up with a resonating  _beep._ Perhaps it is your growing sense of wholeness and humanity that makes you feel bad, if not for a second. 

DIRK: Why am I the only problem masturbation can't fix? 

MALDYXBOT:  **masturbation has ne-vvv-er once sol-vvv-ed a -wv-ar**

DIRK: You're awake again?

MALDYXBOT:  **yes. -wv-ell... asleep.**

DIRK: You haven't inhabited this body I made for you in quite some time. What's been happening? 

MALDYXBOT:  **dirk, please. for all intents and purposes, let's not beat around the metaphorical bush, as they say.**

MaldyxBot is the automaton you had created long ago for the Witch of Mind who came to visit you once Earth C was created. He claims to be from another timeline, and to be quite frank, he probably is. 

DIRK: Fine, I get it. You don't want to talk about it. 

MALDYXBOT:  **I ha-vvv-e ne-vvv-er once -wv-anted to discuss my livelihood.**

DIRK:  Yeah, because in your weird mind nothing about you matters. 

MALDYXBOT:  **and in yours?**

DIRK: ...

MALDYXBOT:  **shut it, heart player.**

DIRK: You see, this is the real reason I wouldn't give you control over your body. 

MALDYXBOT:  **oh, right. I -wv-as SUPPOSED to be telling you my story. 3 >:[**

DIRK: I have time.

MALDYXBOT: **careful, strider. one -wv-ould think you enjoy talking -wv-ith me.**

MALDYXBOT:  **any-wv-ays, I see you're approaching that magical point in e-vvv-ery god's life -wv-here he becomes his** _Ultimate Self._

DIRK: Your speech patterns because distinctly different when speaking about my Ultimate Self. Why? 

MALDYXBOT:  **your** _Ultimate Self_ **is -wv-hat you become -wv-hen the Game decides your role inside or outside of canon has a ne-wv- meaning.**

DIRK: No shit.

MALDYXBOT:  **shut it.**

MALDYXBOT:  **as you are no-wv- residing outside of canon, your role as the Prince of Heart has once again decided to become acti-vvv-e, most likely to keep the game or -wv-hat remains of it going.**

DIRK: Yes, I know that too. 

DIRK: Hal told me. 

DIRK: And "Bro" is whispering to me that you're untrustworthy. 

MALDYXBOT:  **interesting. next you'll tell me that you kno-wv- -wv-hy I'-vvv-e been gone so long.**

DIRK: You know as well as I that I haven't reached a tier of omniscience capable of transcending time and space. 

MALDYXBOT:  **-wv-ell,** Knowing **is kinda my thing.**

MALDYXBOT: I  **think. uh, right. I died, someho-wv-.**

DIRK: Disgusting. 

MaldyxBot grins through his shiny metallic features and tilts his head slightly with a squeak. He winces, and you're glad you planned all of this out. 

MALDYXBOT:  **says the human.**

DIRK: Wow. Ouch. I think you really broke something. 

You keep a straight face. 

MALDYXBOT: **ca** **ndy has Ascended.**

The violet glow of his eyes starts to flicker, and his mouth gapes wildly as his limp legs stay rooted, but his mobile arms reach towards you. His lips spit out the oil and hydraulic fluids that run through his metal veins. 

DIRKMALDYXBOT: And you're next. 

 

* * *

 

For all that is and is not, it has always seemed that Dirk Strider was smack in the middle of it. Chaos was his normal. Or, should I say, my normal. Ah, of course. The irony. The three pillars are alive and well here, and I'm having a great time. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have like one other Homestuck work because I deleted all my other ones out of pure self-loathing.   
> Come say hi, harass me, or attempt to classpect me like the heathen you know you are!! (JK I love any and all interactions with you guys)   
> Twitter and instagram: @sombralunaart  
> tumblr: sombraluna


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